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Ａｋｉ (づ￣ ³￣)づ~~♡♪♫

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Ｍｕｓｉｃ　Ａｒａｎｇｅｍｅｎｔ
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ｉｆ　ｕ　ｃａｎｔ　ｃｈａｎｇｅ　ａｎｙｔｈｉｎｇ，　ｗａｔ　ａｍ　ｉ　ｗａｉｔｉｎｇ　ｕｎｔｉｌｌ　ｉ　ｗａｌｋ　２　ｈｅｒｅ．．．． 洪荒的古乐穿过灵魂的落差 爱情露出苍白的侧脸 宣泄着剔透的告白. 几个轮回后化成地壳里的秘密 能不能帮我 让你守候的爱情也在我心里发芽成长? 在现实空间里 我们看不清彼此的灵魂 在音乐的空间里 我们的灵魂相互结合了.
Ａｌｔｈｏｕｇｈ　Ｉ　ｋｎｏｗ，ａｌｌ　ｔｈｅ　ｂｅａｕｔｉｅｓ　ｗｏｎｔ　ｂｅｃｏｍｅ　ｆｏｒｅｖｅｒ．．．ｌ　ｄｏｎｔ　ｗａｎｎａ　ｌｅａｖｅ　ｔｈｅｍ　ｂｅｈｉｎｄ． Ｈｅａｖｅｎ　Ｉｓ　ｎｏＴ　Ａｓ　ｆａｒ　ａＳ　ｕ　ＴｈＩｎｋ～
ｉｆ　ｉ　ｃｏｕｌｄ，Ｉ　ｗａｎｎａ　ｕｓｅ　ｇｏｄ＇ｓ　ｂｒｅａｔｈｉｎｇ　ｔｏ　ｐｒｅｓｅｎｔ　ｍｙ　ｌｏｖｅ，　ｍｕｓｉｃ　ｉｓ　ｍｙ　ｗｏｒｄ，ｉｔ　ｂｒｉｎｇｓ　ｍｅ　ｔｏ　ｔｈｅ　ｍｙｓｔｅｒｉｅｓ　ｆｅｅｌｉｎｇ．
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～Ｉｍ　ｌｏｓｉｎ　ｉｎ　ＭＹ　ｓｗＥＥｔ　ＤｒＥａＭ～

～Ｋｅｅｐ　ｔｒｙ＇ｉｎ　ｆｉｎｄｉｎ　ｍｅ，ｉｍ　ｉｎ　ＵＲ　ｄＲｅＡｍ　ａｓ　ｗＥＬＬ～

Blog
August 12

there is A word

There is A word,called Love
it's not dat eazy to tell,not dat eazy to speak out.
But all the feelings inside of my mind,keeps making me wanna see you again.
7:11 PM | Add a comment | Permalink | Blog it | Ｂｅａｕｔｉｆｕｌ　Ｌｉｆｅ
July 02

sigh

一直觉得，只要努力，没有办不到的事。
在某样事情上遇到困难的时候，总觉得是自己努力得不够。
但是当事情牵扯到一个团体的时候，就没有这么简单。
如果2个人在一起，只有一方付出是不够的。
如果距离遥远，见不到对方，只要努力，就可以见得到
如果无法联络，只要知道电话，总会有连接点。
当一个人明明知道联络的方式，却又从未联络过。这代表着什么，答案是很显而易见的
这样即使是近在咫尺，也会有不同的理由不愿见面。
只有单方面的努力是不够的，不能强迫，所以不能用说的。
 
7:53 PM | Add a comment | Permalink | Blog it | Ｂｅａｕｔｉｆｕｌ　Ｌｉｆｅ
March 17

!

Sing
Sung
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LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL|
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6:37 PM | Add a comment | Permalink | Blog it | ＤａｒｋＮｅｓｓ　ｍｉｒｒｏｒ
May 14

i wanna sing forever

i wanna sing forever....
 
y cant i sing,y cant i do wat i like...
 
i wanna scream dat i want to sing 4ever
 
singing....
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its darkness....
 
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1:12 AM | Add a comment | Permalink | Blog it
May 03

累

好累，从没想过会这么的累。
 
既然都是欺骗，为什么不干脆欺骗得彻底一些，让人发现那些肉脚的把戏，真的以为我是百痴么？去你的努力，不要妄想你那些不切实际的幻觉可以让我觉得你真正努力过．
 
目标还没有偏离它的轨道，不管怎么样，现在是另一个计划的开始．．．after all of dis things dat ive putting，i woldnt end up with nothin……
 
好吧，我承认我耍了些小手段，不过那都是必须经历的。anyway, im in my plan, everythin needs2 be ready.
 
这只是第一步而已，不想说那句：没关系，事情总会过去的。
那在等待事情过去的那个过程中浪费的时间和机会是不是也就这么过去了……好白痴……
 
无论如何，当这一切都结束的时候，我就真正的自由了……
 
自由万岁！
8:30 PM | Add a comment | Permalink | Blog it

dirty world,dirty people

we lie coz we did somethin dat we cant event say wat we did....
wouldnt beliv dos things anymore.
8:19 PM | Add a comment | Permalink | Blog it
July 11

无法寄出的信NO.2

我心中的疑虑

 

好久不见了,内心所积压的话,不是三言两语可以说得完的.那么久没跟你说过话,我一直没有时间去找你,因为学业,还有我自身的问题.

 

今天想到要给你写信,完全是在发生过那件让我不愉快的事之后的事了.朋友一句简单的话,只不过是转达家里长辈对我的看法,就让我难受得不行.在我反复的思考之后,我终于明白了其实一直以来我都没有改变,只是活在那个为别人而活的模式之下.我为自己创造了许许多多逃避的空间,因为我需要.

 

我一直不明白的是为什么我花费了那么多时间堆柱起的努力,在别人眼里总是那么的微不足道.每个人都是平凡的,在努力中变的不平凡,在经验中成长,在我眼里一直都是一件必然的事.但是我不明白,为什么总要以比别人更高的要求来要求我,为什么我就连一点错误都犯不得?我也只是个普通的人,我需要呼吸,需要一个逃避的空间,只要不再见到那些嘴脸,我觉得怎么样都是值得的.我不觉得我过分清高,只是觉得自己想得太多.我不明白那些人为我所做的,真的只是出于对我的关爱吗?那为什么我只听得到算计和炫耀,除此以外还有别的么?

 

有了钱就不会被人瞧不起, 有了钱就可以吃好吃的东西, 有了钱就可以过自由的生活…..有了钱,也会有那种让人呕吐的人与事… 可惜我没钱……

 

忘不了那种委屈,忘不了每一次为了这个让人恶心的理由而难受.

每难受一次,就要告诉自己,不能忘记这种痛苦.

 

终于明白到,原来所有的感觉,都是相对的,你对我好,我才会对你好.

但是除此之外,再没有看到更多的人类情感.我应该开始算帐了,听着那些人说的话,算算我所欠下的帐,用我的时间,早日还清这笔帐,然后与他们断得干干净净….

 

你大概又会说我傻了.但是我从来没有像现在这么清醒过,我终于明白为什么在这样一个人人羡慕的环境下长大的我感受不到任何一点的关爱,当然除了老脆.我只感觉到只有在我的努力得到成果的时候,那些人才会觉得我是存在的,我可以给他们用来虚荣和炫耀. 但是我就不能犯任何一点点的错误, 哪怕只是一个失误, 都会让他们蒙羞. 在他们的怀里, 养着那些嗜血嗜钱的畜牲, 而在他们眼里我连畜牲都不如. 当他们觉得保护那些比垃圾还要不如的物种, 也比得起保护有能力却被人踢来踢去的人.也就是说, 在他们的眼里, 我连个垃圾都不如, 真的是太可笑了…我为了他们生活, 为了他们努力….为了他们压抑…为了他们收起自己的真实面目, 得到的结果, 只不过是个连称号都没有的傀儡, 我就那么被摆布着….

终于明白为什么最喜欢那纯洁的心灵, 和拥有那种心灵的人与事, 因为那让我看不到污秽的令人发指的欲望.

终于明白为什么喜欢接近灵魂的创作, 因为在那个领域, 我可以平等的跟其他物质相处, 我只是个普通的物质, 不需要压力, 不需要压抑…

终于明白为什么一直在寻找伙伴, 因为在人们眼中, 特别的人永远都是怪物, 就他们的话来说,我只有找到跟我一样的怪物, 我才能在我的世界里生存下去.

终于明白为什么那些所谓的friendship都不能长久. 因为归根结底, 即便我再怎么贬低自己, 再怎么让自己看起来跟他们一样. 他们还是当我是异类….

 

要改变, 我要离开, 因为我不想让这种令人作呕的想法侵蚀我的身心.当我挣脱傀儡的那几丝纠缠着我的束缚之线, 我就能获得新的自由….我很清楚,那绝对不会是佛组的蜘蛛丝, 我会洗亮我的双目, 等到蜘蛛丝来到之前, 自己找寻到去往那片净土的道路..

 

话说得有些远了, 今晚又是一个不眠之夜….

5:31 PM | Add a comment | Permalink | Blog it | Ｂｅａｕｔｉｆｕｌ　Ｌｉｆｅ
April 23

无法寄出的信NO.1

究竟是何时开始的改变


从我找你的那天开始,我就隐约的感觉到你的变化.虽然你忙到连见面的时间都没有,我并没有埋怨你的想法,你应该明白,不管别人怎么说,我还是希望从你的口里听到事实,只要你说不是,我就相信你.

为什么在那个手术后我们似乎没有任何前进的方向,时不时的总是回忆着过去的事,过去的回忆.现在我们需要的,也许正是突破的勇气.我不知道你是不是在钻牛角尖,我知道我努力的不够,因为我一直不敢面对的只是失去的美丽事物,也许在回忆中我能找到一丝安慰,也许我只是胆小害怕再受伤害.
当你用一种落寞的神情说起叶子的事时,我并不想去相信,因为我觉得只要我再次相信,我很可能会再一次尝到那种痛苦.我觉得你没有错,只是很多时候事情并不会如我们所想,如我们所愿,但当它发生的时候总是会让人措手不及.

也许你总是觉得你缺少了那一份被人关爱的感觉,但是实际上,我所见到的他们对你的一点一滴,都让我觉得,你是深深地被爱着的.第一次看你失控,是在捐赠者器官出现问题后,你在视频中哭着告诉我你不想死,你想活着...那时候我才能感觉到真正的你,感觉到你跟我们一样,并不是不害怕死亡,只是在它还没靠近的时候感觉不到它所带来的绝望.

每次发呆的时候常常会想到你,不知道你怎么样了,过得是否还好.可能在你眼中我只是个任性又长不大的小孩,但是对于我所排斥的成长,我知道总有一天要去面对.真的好不想长大,可是我还是长大了.看着手珠的线一天天变黄,我感觉到时间真的没有等我的打算.我明白你我都只是想在活着的时候留下一点印记,但是死后的世界又有谁了解,有谁知道呢?

我会告诉所有的人,时间是会改变一切的,包括人们的想法,爱情和价值观.但是我心里一直保持着那个永不改变的概念,也许是我太固执了,也许只是因为傻.因为这种固执和傻,我反复品尝着背叛,欺骗和离开的痛苦.只是想寻找一样永恒,竟是这么的困难.为什么每次当我学会珍惜的时候,一切都将化为乌有.这个世界太多我们不懂的故事,这个世界留给我们太多的悬念.好想知道,好想解开,可是每当我轻轻碰触,他们都将破散消失.你告诉我,别表现的那么无所谓,就算我心里无所谓,也要学会收敛,不然很容易做错事.我明白你的意思.但是如今的我,除了表现出无所谓以外,我不知道还能怎么表现我心里的感受.

给你寄出去的黑色本子,你一定没空去看,也没空去写.我觉得黑暗与光明是相互存在的,有光就有暗,有暗就有光.我喜欢暗,因为觉得它安详,我不太喜欢光,因为觉得它刺眼.在我记录的时候,光的比例超过暗,因为你没有时间记录,光线照得我有些睁不开眼,记得上一次见你的时候,我们彼此因为有太多话要说而不知从何说起,你说你想一个人生活,不要烦躁你,所以我决定不再找你.只把想说的,想告诉你的写在这里.我知道这是一封永远也寄不出去的信,不会有人看信,也不会有人回信,因为我怕忘记,所以写下来.
上周日给你的电话中你说我们短期内无法见面了,我知道你很忙,但是真有忙到连见一面的时间都无法拨出么?为了见你一面去找你一次并不容易,我们长大了,越来越不自由了,正因为这样,时间才更加宝贵.我犹豫了很久,还是给你发了条信息,如果真的影响到你,我不会再烦你,也不会再找你了.有好几次我都这么想,如果有一天我不再与你联系,我们是不是就此一刀两断了…现在想想,似乎答案就在眼前,只是我一直不敢去确认而已.

今天的信就先谈到这里吧,过一段时间,也许会有更多想说的也不一定.
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February 18

风

我决定不要再做沙石和树木．从现在开始，我要做自己的风．吹向自由的方向，自由的地方．如果可以，我要重新选择一切，重新开始，重新复活．
不要再是那种你是你我是我的生命意义．．．
如果可以的话，我会朝你的方向继续前进，直到我看到了真正的你，真实的你．
让我放不下的你的所有，我将会勇敢的去承认这一切．．．
虽然内心还有恐惧，内心还有彷徨．．．我觉得，是一切都开使然的时候了．
下次抚面而去的时候，你会对我微笑么？
用你最灿烂的，夏日的笑容．．．．
用你最最棒的初音．．．
用你眼睛的漂亮颜色．．．
用你的一切．．．来交换
既然结果已经如此，一路走来，为的是见证你我的生命．
即使一切都已经改变．．．
即使你已经忘记所有．．．
即使我不能再跟随着你．．．
即使你有了归属．．．
那种感觉还是不会改变．永远不会．．．．
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